The Escapades of Sir Calvino in England and Scotland

The first 2 days of the trip to England and Scotland

We are so back! After over a year hiatus, I have decided to renew my website subscription and start posting on my site again. Part of the reason why I decided to end my subscription was that my life up until recently was incredibly dull and boring. But to be honest with you, I enjoy being dull and boring sometimes. My life mostly consisted of work, going to the gym and gaming. Quite a bit has happened since I ended supporting my site the big one being that my grandmother passed away in late summer of last year. It was a hard time for my family and obviously for me as well. My grandparents played a pivotable role in shaping who I am today. I may dedicate a blog post later about this. The biggest event that happened was taking a trip with my parents and my brother Brady to two of the many lands of our European ancestors: England and Scotland.

Shortly following the passing of my grandma (my mom’s mom) we decided that instead of staying home for Christmas, we wanted to go on a trip somewhere. So my parents took the only single kids in the family (my brother Brady and yours truly), on a trip to London, England and Edinburgh, Scotland. Needless to say the trip was absolutely epic. Our trip was on December 23rd to January 1st. It will be a trip for the ages that I will cherish for the rest of my life unless I get dementia or Alzheimers lol.

I would be lying to you that the flight was not chill. Me being the girth-guy that I am, I was on a row on our plane between my brother and a lowkey black baddie. The baddie part was chill, but being stuck in the middle of her and my brother with no leg room for 11 hours wasn’t. I hate being on planes and I feel like time slows to a screeching halt every time I’m on one. I couldn’t sleep at all so I resorted to watching the first 2 John Wick movies, a random United Arab Emirates military movie I forgot the name of  and Godzilla: Minus One. It was a great time watching these movies aside from getting scrunched in every direction.

And so, we arrived at the London airport around 3 pm on Christmas Eve. For the first few hours arriving in England, I was pretty anxious. It was my first time out of the country outside of traveling to Mexico a few times. But that dissipated shortly once we got our uber from the airport to our hotel in London which was about an hour to an hour and a half drive. Once we arrived at our Marriott Hotel, we were warmly welcomed by the staff. We met some local Londoners and some other Europeans which was really cool. This young lad named Freddie who was an employee of the Marriot we stayed at was an absolute legend. He was stoked that we were from California and he wrote a note to Brady and I telling us all of the local spots to hit up while we were in London. I also met a dude around my name from Romania who was also a gamer so we chatted for a little while and he told me I should find a Romanian girl. Who knows? Now that I finally have a passport, I will become a “Passport Bro” and maybe bag a foreign baddie. An old man can dream haha. Shortly after we got settled into our hotel, we went to walk around and check the area out. We went to grab some dinner at a local “American BBQ” restaurant that was actually pretty good. The one thing that was wack was that the restaurant used mayonnaise instead of BBQ sauce for the steaks. I guess that's what they do in London. To each their own I guess. After dinner, we walked around and then went back to our hotel to sleep. 

That night was rough. My brother, Brady and I slept for a couple of hours and then were wide awake. We thought it was 6 or 7 in the morning and found out it was a little after midnight. We were like, “Bruh, this freaking blows!” So after trying and failing to sleep, we went to do a little girth session at the hotel’s gym. After our workout, we slept for a few more hours, or so we thought. We slept and didn’t wake up until nearly 2 pm! We were kinda pissed because the sun was starting to set by the time we rushed out of the hotel. With the little amount of sunlight left, we took an uber to check out the St. Peter’s Cathedral. Unfortunately it was closed due to the service being full. It made sense because this was Europe’s Christmas Eve and the streets were packed with tourists. I was blown away with the detail and architecture of the cathedral and neighboring buildings. It was a literal dream come true for my mom to visit this cathedral because one of her favorite movies is Mary Poppins and there is a scene where Mary feeds the pigeons and sings the song “Feed the Birds (Tuppence a Bag.) St Peters, like pretty much every building we saw, was just breathtaking. I was relishing every moment marveling at the beauty and detail of every statue carved by hand on the building. It was absolutely majestic. 

After admiring the cathedral and other buildings next to it for a time, we ventured forth to check out more sights. There were so many gorgeous buildings with some of the most epic statues that you’d ever see on a building. Literally every statue we saw had straight aura. While roaming around, we stumbled across a building that had a sign which said, “To the Friendship of English Speaking Peoples.” We all got a kick out of that. At the time the building was constructed, it was the most expensive building made in London’s history. We were amused at the sign because ironically, we were some of the only people walking around who were speaking English lol. Nearly every person we met was either Arab, Indian or some other European on holiday but hardly any actual Englishman/woman. For Christmas Eve dinner, we went to a local pub and had some great English food which consisted of meat pies, sausage and mash (mashed potatoes) and turkey. It was delicious! We all loved the ambiance of this restaurant. It was very relaxing and it had epic photos and paintings all over which really made the experience truly engaging. 

After dinner, we walked around and there were countless Christmas lights on nearly every street we visited. On one of those streets, there was a young woman singing popular Christmas songs who was drawing quite a crowd. We eventually made it to Big Ben. Upon arriving in London, I didn’t realize that Big Ben, England’s House of Parliament, and Westminster Abbey were all on the same lot. The buildings were out of this world and it was surreal to step foot in this iconic part of the city, let alone country. 

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So thus concludes the escapades of the first 2 days in London. My next blog post wil be of the second half of the trip in London. It will be of Christmas Day visiting the Tower of London and Westminster Abbey. This overall experience I will cherish for the rest of my life and I hope that I will continue to to amazing out of the country experiences in the near future. It is so good to be back and I hope you enjoyed reading about my trip.

I Am Happy

Hey there, everybody. I hope your weekend and past week treated you well. Mine has been great. The week went by surprisingly fast. Work went well and overall it has been a productive week. This post is going to be different than previous ones. I want to talk more about how I’m feeling overall with my life. I want to talk about how happy I am at this current chapter of my life. Almost a couple of years ago, I was picked up by my parents from the San Diego airport and felt like a fairly broken man. I was officially separated from the US Navy and felt like an absolute failure. I vividly remember recounting some of my experience while in basic training to my parents and I asked myself a few rhetorical questions that were along the lines of, “Why is it so hard for me to find a career? Everything I try to pursue ends up fizzling out. Why is it so difficult for me to find a career that I am at the very least competent in? Is it that hard of an ask?” 

My intention for this series of questions wasn’t to play the victim. My intention was genuine, even innocent. I desperately desired to find a career path that would ultimately help me to provide for a future family if that happens one day. Ever since I graduated college and struggled to find work, I was getting extremely frustrated with the whole job search process. I saw many of my peers who were advancing in their respective careers genuinely wondering why all of my career ambitions up to that point were constantly getting shot down or would fade into oblivion. 

I’ll be completely honest with you, I was jealous of these people. They seemed to be doing well and advancing in their jobs. They seemed to have a loving spouse with happy kids and a nice house. And I was jealous because that is what I wanted what they had. I know it’s not fair to do this, but I categorized in my brain these people as having their shit together. I know that everybody has their personal struggles or heartbreaks behind closed doors. At the end of the day, we have our own unique crosses to bear in life and I’ve learned to bear my struggles with joy in my heart instead of wallowing in self-pity and despair.

For those of you who truly know me, I love to work and I don’t really care what it is as long as it's a fair wage. I hate working for free, which is what I did a lot through multiple internships. I enjoy working and being able to take care of myself. I developed a strong work ethic thanks to my parents and my upbringing. I strive to put my best foot forward in everything that I do. I strive to help others as much as I can and put their needs above my own. When I get knocked down, I get right back up, dust myself off, and keep moving forward.

I strive to be likable, but I don’t seek validation or be someone that I’m not just to fit in with a group. I’ve learned to become very comfortable in my skin and embrace who I am, flaws and all. I know that I am not perfect, but I am learning to enjoy the journey we call life and face challenges head-on instead of cowering or running away from them. And because of this, I am the happiest I’ve ever been, which is the main reason for this post. 

I apologize for the buildup, but I feel compelled to give people context as to why I feel a certain way. When I say I am the happiest I’ve ever been, I genuinely mean it. I have had countless amazing experiences throughout my life and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. The reasoning as to why I am so happy is multi-faceted. I finally found a career path in healthcare that I am competent in, I am surrounded by an amazing family who always hype me up, and I am able to take care of myself physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and financially.

On one of my weekends, I was listening to a YouTube channel by a guy named Chad Lisonbee. He is a dude in his mid-forties who focuses on personal growth on his channel. A lot of his thoughts and perspectives are aligned with mine. And some not so much but I’m ok with that because he does bring a lot of value into his content. And I love listening to his videos. He focuses on helping people to truly be happy, finding joy in the journey we call life, making attainable goals, and getting off your ass and creating your own legacy instead of living in mediocrity or by societal norms. Be responsible, be accountable, and focus your time on activities that will help you grow instead of wasting it on unproductive things. I love what this guy is doing on his channel and it helps me to look inward and to do some soul-searching on how I am doing right now. 

We live in a society led by consumerism. Everything you see is someone trying to get you to spend money you don’t have to have the latest and greatest new thing. We live in a world of people who bend over backward to be accepted whether it be through status, finances, or power. We are told to buy now and pay later instead of learning how to delay gratification until we have the means to afford it. We are constantly being told to blame others or outside forces for our misfortunes instead of taking some responsibility for our actions and developing self-awareness. Now, people are swimming in credit card debt, enslaved to debilitating car payments on top of their rent/mortgage and they focus on things that are beyond their control. We willingly give away our power to others in the hopes that we will get something in return, but that will never be the case. We need to train ourselves that we are capable of accomplishing great things or paving the road to our success, no matter what obstacles or challenges are thrown our way.

I know for most people it sounds boring to focus on yourself and things in your control instead of blaming outside forces as to why you are unsuccessful in life. The beautiful thing is that you can start right now by taking baby steps and investing in yourself and your future. I think this is the biggest reason why I beaming with happiness right now is because I chose to make a conscious decision to focus on things I can control instead of things beyond it. I am focusing on the here and now instead of having my head up in the clouds for too long. I am exercising 2-3 times a week at the gym, eating nutrient-dense foods that are minimally processed, and striving to stay active throughout the day instead of being sedentary. I live a frugal lifestyle and am saving my money for a rainy day or when shit hits the fan. My lifestyle is simple, and I love being a simple human being. I don’t need the latest and greatest thing unless it's larping gear haha. And because I live frugally, I was able to buy my first car in cash and it has been a huge blessing in my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I do want nice things in life later down the road when I have more money, and I am not against those of you who have fancy cars, houses, etc. I feel that if you work hard you deserve it all, I am just against unhealthy financial decisions that a lot of people make. There are way too many people who live paycheck-to-paycheck and wonder why they can’t get ahead. And I don’t envy those people. I am just making a generalized observation. I am happy that I don’t need to own a whole lot just to be happy.

I want to thank you guys for reading these blog posts. It means so much to me that you guys find value in what I say and through my personal experiences. It reinforces to me that I am valued and needed, and for someone who has struggled with chronic depression in the past, this means the absolute world to me. To know that I am not alone in the struggle and to know that I have a solid support system. I love you all so much and I appreciate the positive feedback I receive from you every time I publish a post on here. I love you all and I will catch you all on the next post. Later!

Preparing for the US Navy

My Experience Before Joining the Navy Part 1

Some of you remember nearly 2 years ago that I enlisted into the Navy. This post will be about my experience going through the process of joining. Be warned, there will be strong language in this post, mainly from my remembering that whole experience. It was a time that I will never forget, but ends not the way you nor I would think. 

So years back, shortly after graduating college, I was interested in joining the military as an officer. I was interested in becoming a Chaplain, a religious counselor, at the time. To make a fairly long story short, I didn’t pursue that career path due to not having a high enough GPA to be an officer. So fast forward to early 2022. I was living at home working part-time as a busser for a local BBQ restaurant called Phil’s BBQ. I was recently laid off from a remote job I had for nearly a year and was struggling to find a job that wasn’t retail or food-related. One day after work, I checked out the Navy recruiting office a few minutes from my work. I walked in with no idea what to expect. At first, I felt a bit pressured into joining but I decided to sleep on the idea for a couple of days. Upon coming back, I let them know I was a college graduate and an Eagle Scout which helped me bump up a few paygrades. I was also promised $60000 a year with a $18000 sign-on bonus that I would get after completing basic training. I was frothing and felt like I was on cloud nine! I was so stoked to be able to start a career and not constantly getting rejected from job applications. It was a surreal time to join the footsteps of my grandfathers who both served in the Navy during WW2 and the Korean War.

I was then sent to MEPs (Military Entrance and Processing) to see if I was mentally, physically, and emotionally able to join. This process is intense. You can’t join for a plethora of reasons and most people who go through this process are unable to join the military due to having too many health or mental issues. So upon arrival at the MEPs building, I walked up to the entrance of the building with my recruiter, and two DOD (Department of Defense) men met me outside and asked, “This is a Department of Defense building. Why are you here?” I then looked at my recruiter who then looked at me as to think I knew what was going on and what the hell to say to these guys. I responded, “I’m here to serve my country?” I didn’t know what to say and wasn’t told this was going to happen. The two men looked at each other a bit bewildered and then back at me. They said somewhat condescendingly, “No dumbass, why are you here! Like, are you want to join the military? Or are you here for something else?” I’m not gonna lie, I felt a bit retarded after that brief conversation haha.

So while I was in the facility, I had to take the ASVAB test to determine based on how I scored what jobs I would be able to do at a competent level. After that, I then was sent to a hotel where I spent the night. At 3:30 in the morning, we were all picked up and sent back to MEPs. Upon arrival, a tiny Filipino marine vet comes into the bus and starts yelling at all of us to get out of the bus and form two lines. He said for the people at the front of the bus to come out first, but I was in the back and didn’t hear him very well so I stood up. He screamed, “What the FUCK are you doing back there?! Sit the FUCK down! I didn’t tell you to get up yet!” It was at this moment, this was for real. So we all get out of the bus, freezing our asses off, and are put into 2 separate lines like I said. One was for those getting ready to be shipped out to their respective branches for basic training and one for those going through the military entrance and processing. All day we sat and waited, did some hearing and colorblind tests, provided urine samples, and then did physicals with a few civilian doctors. 

Most of the processing during the day was sitting around, but the part I vividly remember was when I went to give a urine sample. Before knowing this, I peed recently and was unable to give them the sample size they needed. So, here I am in a room with a few other guys, all peeing in a cup while a different Filipino Navy vet stares at us trying to go pee. He then came up to me and said, “For a white guy, you have a tiny dick.” I completely ignored him even though internally I was fuming. After a quick self-check, I kept my mouth shut and tried to not take it personally because I knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to find something, exploit it, and wait for someone to react so then he could have an excuse to humiliate them. He tried to break me and I’m sure he thought I was going to play his game. I would never mess with a military veteran or active duty service member because I know for a surety that they would kick my ass. 

After this ordeal, I finally went and talked to the Navy office. I talked to the serviceman who told me what jobs were available. He was a major dick about it and said, “Man, that really sucks that you are colorblind because that really limits you what you can and can’t do.” I told him that I wasn’t colorblind and we had a back and forth with him trying to insult my intelligence and I wasn’t putting up with it. I was thinking about leaving right then and there because I was not interested in any of the options. I was only able to do something in office administration, cooking, or logistics, and at that time I wasn’t interested in any of them. I was thinking about doing military police or mass communication specialist, but those weren’t available. I didn’t want to join some random job that I wasn’t at least somewhat interested in. The guy then said, “Hey man, are you gonna join or what? Stop busting my balls. If you leave, you will miss out on an incredible opportunity.” He was trying to pressure me into joining but I wouldn’t budge. I wasn’t being stubborn, at least at the time I didn’t think so. I just wanted to make sure I was confident in knowing what I was getting myself into. At that time, I was literally on my way to the door and told him I wasn’t interested. 

Then, his boss, a Chief walked up to me. He said, “Hey, man. Don’t listen to him, it's ok for you to figure this stuff out. I know you aren’t interested in doing an office admin job, but there is a position available now for you to work in the office admin space as an Aviation Maintenance Administrator. For this job, you would be assigned to a squadron with fighter pilots and aircraft mechanics. You would be the person who would order the parts for the aircraft and you go wherever your squadron goes. It sounds like a pretty solid gig. I’m sorry the positions you are interested in aren’t available, but if you are interested in doing this instead, you have about 10 minutes before we close. It's completely up to you and no pressure.”

I appreciated the Chief for being transparent with me and treating me like a normal human being. During those few minutes, the thought came to my head, “Am I self-sabotaging right now? Could I be throwing away a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity just because things aren’t going exactly as I would like? Sometimes you have to work on jobs you don’t like, so why don’t you accept this job and treat this as a stepping stone to pursue something else later down the road.” After this inner monologue, I decided to accept the job as an Aviation Maintenance Administrator. 

I then signed my soul away to the military. After completing that, I went into a room with several other young men and women to be sworn into the military. This was a surreal experience that I will NEVER forget. As we swore the oath, I was literally quaking. My whole body was shaking as a physical manifestation of my emotions, and believe me, they were all over the place. I was stoked. I felt a sense of immense pride in serving my country in one of the most selfless ways possible for a US citizen. And I was absolutely terrified! My life was about to be completely changed. After a mental and emotional roller coaster of a day, my dad picked me up from the MEPs facility in Mira Mesa, San Diego. I rehashed to both him and my family my experience over the past couple of days and how excited I was to be leaving for basic training the following month. I was hitting the gym super hard, I was watching a bunch of military videos online and I was studying the books I was given in preparation for basic training. This overall experience helped shape my perspective on life. Even though this experience never panned out, I will never regret giving it a shot. At the time of separation in boot camp, I was pissed off and felt pretty broken, but in hindsight, I am happy that I at least tried. This experience was the hardest thing I had done in my adult life. I would say even harder than completing college, or even serving a mission for my church and that’s saying something.

Anyway, here is my post about my preparation to join the Navy. I will write a more detailed post about my actual experience during my short month at basic training, but that will be a story for another day. If you made it this far, I apologize for the strong language. I do swear like a sailor, but I do recognize people don’t like it when I do so I try to keep it at a minimum for those who don’t like it, even though it slips from time to time. Thanks for making it this far. It’s hard to believe I remember this experience like it was yesterday even though it happened nearly two years ago. Man, time truly does fly. Well y’all, thanks for taking the time to read this post and I’ll catch you on the next one shortly Later! 

I’m Back!

Hey everybody! I apologize for not writing in nearly a year. Damn, it’s crazy it’s been that long. The main reason why I haven’t posted was because I was unemployed and didn’t have the funds to keep this website up. Now, fortunately, I do. I missed being able to post here and watch my blog site come to life with blog posts, pictures, and other media.  A lot has happened in 2024. It was one of the better years that I had. I was able to find a career path in healthcare and move out of my parents house to live up north in Redding, CA. And I am eternally grateful for their generosity in loving and supporting me while living with them.

After literally thousands of rejected emails from job applications I submitted, I decided to cut my losses and look into a different field. Part of me wishes I could find a job in the social media/digital space, but for now, that ship has sailed. I decided to set my sights on the healthcare industry since there is a huge demand and some of my family work in the field as Healthcare Administrators. Thanks to my older brother, I am now working full-time as a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) at his nursing facility and it has been a huge blessing to live close to him and his family.

I’ll be honest, it’s not the most glamorous job and it isn’t something I want to do long-term, but it pays the bills and helps me towards my journey to self-reliance. I was nervous to work as a CNA because I had a terrible experience working briefly as an untrained caregiver in Idaho. I hope this doesn’t come across as insensitive to those of you who I work with or who have been in the skilled nursing/hospital space, but I treat my position like any other job. I don’t have the empathy to shoulder patients’ burdens or hardships and take them on as my own as some people do in this setting. I don’t work as a nursing assistant because it’s my life’s calling to help the elderly in this capacity. I’m treating this experience as a stepping stone to something greater.

It’s hard for me to relate with some people at work who get so emotionally attached to these patients. It might be due to my autism, or maybe I’m just an apathetic person haha. Or maybe both. I get it, I understand why people feel that this line of work is extremely fulfilling. Being able to provide intimate care for people who can’t do it themselves and build real and tangible relationships. It takes a special kind of person to do this type of work. But for me, I’m just here to work, gain experience, and collect a paycheck. Don’t get me wrong, I do strive to provide genuine care to people and treat them with the respect they deserve, but I struggle to get emotionally invested in these people's lives when they are here for a short length of time or pass away. That is how I view it at least.

Being a CNA has been an eye-opening experience. I’ve learned so much about overall health and how most of the diseases, syndromes, and disorders are preventable. It blew my mind that nearly every person I care for either has diabetes or some other gnarly health problems. It has put things into perspective for me that I need to take care of my body even more than I already was because I want to reduce my chances of having these problems or else I’ll be in the same boat as the patients at my facility who didn’t take care of themselves. The beauty of it is that it’s not rocket science to take care of yourself. Just eat more healthily, reduce your intake of processed foods, and stay active throughout the day. I am so happy to finally be working after spending so many years out of college looking for a job and being able to be in a position to save money and invest in my future.

And there you have it. I am so happy to be back on this blog and to share more life experiences and insights with you. And for those of you who have become friends with me, thank you for that and I hope that the content on here inspires you and helps you to learn more about what makes me, me. Enjoy the content and look forward to more that is to come. Take care and I’ll catch you on the next post. I love you all!

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Hey everybody, I apologize for taking so long to write this post. To be honest, there were a few reasons why I haven’t posted in a while. I went to Northern California and up to Idaho for nearly a month so I wasn’t on my laptop much. Also, I have been helping my youngest brother, Brady with some work he needed over the past few weeks. I’ve also been spending a lot of time sending out job applications without yielding results which has been incredibly discouraging.

I was working on a post while I was in Idaho, but I decided not to post it because many of you don’t need to hear me venting about my issues. Writing down my frustrations was good, but I don’t need to burden you with that. Plus it was pretty negative as well. While I don’t want to post stuff here that is just “success stories” or “find your purpose.” I also want to be transparent in how I’m truly feeling, both the good, the bad, and the ugly. I had to go through a lot of the bad and the ugly before I was able to experience some of the good. 

Throughout my adult life, I’ve been plagued with depression, self-hatred, and comparing myself with other people. I still struggle with this today. And as a man that is approaching his 37th birthday, I feel that I don’t have much to show for it. I can’t hold a job for longer than a few years and it’s discouraging. I’ve been told ever since I was young that I would never amount to anything in this world. Fortunately, I had a solid foundation comprised of an amazing family, close friends, and a religious institution that helped me to better cope with this type of verbal abuse.

But as an adult, I’m more or less on my own. And I’ve had a rocky relationship with myself, mostly an abusive and toxic relationship. I’ve had thoughts over the years that the world would be better off without me. Fortunately, I never acted on those thoughts, but they still haunt me from time to time. The seeds of self-hatred were sewn while I was in college for my first couple of years. I had grandiose ideas in my head that since I did so well at the business college I went to, finding a solid career job would be easier with a degree. Sadly, that has not been the case.

And I don’t need to bother you about my “takes” as to why that is. Upon my military discharge, I finally came to terms that I have Autism. My condition is called Asperger’s Syndrome and several years ago, was added to the Autistic spectrum. My mom said I had it since birth, but I lived in denial until last year. I’ve contemplated, “Why is it so hard for me to find a career job? Do I just suck at interviewing? Is my resume that bad? Are normal people struggling as much as I am with finding a career in a relevant field? Is it because of my Asperger’s where I give too much unnecessary information in an interview?” The list of thoughts goes on and on. 

I can’t speak for everyone with this condition, but for me at least, Asperger’s has been a unique challenge, especially socially. I’ve learned through much trial and error how to better communicate with people. I still slip up occasionally, but I’ve come a long way since my childhood. Hell, even since I was in my late teens and early twenties. I have always sucked at small talk and I hated it. Now, it has been a great learning experience. I don’t need to tell everyone a long, drawn-out response to people who either don’t know me very well or frankly don’t care. I’m so used to talking with friends where I have deep, context-filled conversations, so learning how to speak to a regular person about stuff that I perceive as shallow has been challenging. Sometimes, I am uncomfortable talking to people who know my family whom I don’t know and I will stutter, lose my train of thought, or even blank out and make a fool out of myself. I dreaded these types of conversations. Fortunately, I am getting a lot better at small talk. 

For me, and it may be my programming, I don’t have a lot of friends, but the ones I am friends with, I am what I would say, loyal to a fault. I drop everything I’m doing to help that friend. I say to a fault because I came to a conclusion that why do I bend over backwards for some of my friends but they don’t do the same for me? I’m not trying to say that my friends use me, I just realized that I don’t always have to say yes I can help them out all of the time. At the end of the day, I need to focus on myself and what actions I’m doing now that will get me closer to where I want to be.

I used to be a major people pleaser, but as I have gotten older, I don’t care about pleasing others anymore. And it’s been liberating for me. If people genuinely want to be a part of my life, that’s great. But I don’t need to bend over backward for people’s approval or feel compelled to do something that I don’t want to do. If I want to participate in a certain thing, then I will but I don’t do well with others telling me what to do or how to think. 

Thank you all for reading my rather fairly scatterbrained post. I’ll be posting more and I apologize for taking so long. I’ve been fairly busy in recent months and it feels great to be back to write more for you and also to convey my thoughts into words. I love you all and thanks again for your love and support in learning more about me and my story. Until next time, take care!

Burdened With Glorious Purpose

Hey everybody, I hope you all are doing well. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. A lot of people have been struggling to find purpose in their lives. I went to church a couple of days ago and the reoccurring theme with young people my age and younger is “Why is my life so hard? Why aren’t things going exactly the way I want them to?” Not to be super judgemental, I was somewhat stunned by these young people complaining about how “hard” adulting is. Now I won’t spend this blog post belittling people and their hardships in life. Who am I to judge? But in my humble opinion, generally speaking, of course, we young millennials, Gen Z and younger don’t have a clue about what true adversity is. 

Lately, I’ve been delving into some historical podcasts, in particular one called MartyrMade. This podcast goes into explicit detail about the historical and cultural nuances of people who have dealt with oppression in the truest sense of the word. People who worry about what the next day will bring and if the next day will be their last. It is sickening hearing accounts of actual victims from topics covered in the podcast such as the terror of the Soviet Union, anti-Semitism pre WW2, Israel, and Palestine before the most recent conflict, and even ethnic violence here on American soil to name a few. I listen to this stuff, as hard as it is to hear, so I can be informed. The main theme I get is that despite how hard I perceive my life to be, at least I am not getting beaten, mutilated, or killed like people today in third-world countries and back since the dawn of humanity’s existence.

I hear this kind of stuff and my heart aches. It aches for people who are actual victims. It keeps me grounded. So when I hear a young person complain about their first-world problems, I immediately think of people who deal with real oppression, and I realize that theirs and my hardships aren’t so bad. Sure, we may need to vent and find an outlet to be vulnerable, but if people can deal with and even overcome their hardships, then so can I.

I love hearing success stories of people who can accomplish their goals despite the odds. At first, they are broken when they hit rock bottom, but once they snap out of it and develop the mentality that they will accomplish their goals no matter what is thrown at them. This kind of stuff inspires me and is a key reason why I have not given up on life.

All of us have our own unique crosses to bear. What may be difficult for me may not be the same for you, and vice versa. Based on my experience, the only way to overcome a trial is to develop a winning mindset. One of my favorite podcast personalities is a retired Navy Seal Commander named Jocko Willink. He talks to his audience about developing a mindset that is used in the military called “Mental Toughness.” He talks about when you go through adversity, no matter how big or small it is, you should think to yourself, what are some strategies and tactics I can develop and use to deal with this problem? He also tells people that he looks forward to problems and adversity because it allows him to become a stronger and better human being. As a matter of fact, he pursues difficult things for that exact reason. And I am slowly developing that type of mindset.

There is an amazing quote from a book by G. Michael Hopf called “Those Who Remain” that says, “Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. And, weak men create hard times.” This quote sums up humanity’s existence in a nutshell. My worldview, at least as an American, is that we are living in good times but are surrounded by weak leaders, a corroding society where hatred and violence are all around in full display. A lot of young people who haven’t had much life experience as an adult immediately think that if life doesn’t go the way they want, they think something is wrong with them and think to themselves, “Why me?” They develop a curse God and die mentality. When in reality, that is just how life is. Life was designed to be hard. Every struggle you and I face, depending on your mindset, will ultimately determine what kind of person you are. Are you someone who will do whatever lies in your power and control to live a fulfilling life? Or are you a loser, who never takes chances and wonders why nothing is going on in your life? I’ll be honest, I had a loser mentality for most of my 20s. I am working on it and aspire to one day develop an unwavering positive mindset. But that in and of itself takes work, lots of work.

You can’t just one day wake up and have an epiphany that you found what your purpose is. I have too many friends who think this way. It is often short-lived. There is no YouTube video, no motivational speaker, and no influencer/celebrity who can tell you the secret to success. Ultimately it boils down to what YOU want in life. I’m sick and tired of seeing people that I know personally and love wallow in self-pity when they are more than able to make their own success. Live your life, don’t allow outside influences to live your life for you. There is a punk rock song called “Best for You” by Bad Religion that perfectly sums up what I mean. And it’s true, everybody thinks they know what's best for you.

Stop allowing this stuff to happen. Live your life. Pursue what you want to pursue. Develop skills and interests that will improve yourself. Surround yourself with good people that will push you and help you become your best self. And cut ties with people who tear you down or don’t get you closer to what you ultimately want. Take control of your life. Become like Loki in Marvel who is “burdened with glorious purpose.”

While writing this, I am starting to sound like a motivational speaker haha. I’m like Matt Foley, Chis Farley’s SNL character. Even though I’m 36 years old, I am not divorced and I am not living in a van down by the river eating a steady diet of government cheese. At least not yet. Anyway, this is a recent topic that I am passionate about. I want people to come out on top when they face adversity. Learning nuances in history and culture helps keep me grounded. I can learn from other people’s mistakes or experiences instead of learning the hard way. Thanks again for being here and reading my TED talk. Until next time, take care!

Life After College Graduation

Hey everybody. I hope you are having a wonderful week and that the New Year is treating you well. I can’t complain for the most part. I thoroughly enjoyed writing my last post. I am starting to develop a love for writing. I have often been told I am a good storyteller, but I’m not entirely sure if I agree. Maybe I am, who knows? Maybe people are just trying to be nice haha. But anyway, this journey so far in creating this website has been so much fun. I’m thinking once I have some extra money coming in to promote my website and try to grow my audience. 

I have been on the fence about growing my site through newsletters, advertisements, and the like. My thought process has been, “What is the point of marketing and advertising your website when you’re not selling anything?” After much research, it seems like I should seriously consider putting my social media and digital marketing skills to the test and see what the best practices are to grow my audience. Because what is the point of posting these blog posts if no one is reading them, right? If I want to reach more people online, then I will need to invest more in my website.

Right, about this blog post. This week I want to talk about my life after I graduated from college several years back. It’s now approaching five years since I graduated. As I mentioned in my previous post, I graduated from 2 colleges in the same semester, which was in late July 2019. It has been a rollercoaster, to say the least. One of my crosses to bear in my adult life is being able to find a career that I can see myself doing. With an academic background in social media marketing, I have had a difficult time finding a job. I have a degree, but I don’t have enough professional experience for opportunities to present themselves. 

It has been frustrating looking for a marketing job. It got to the point where I was sending out literally hundreds, if not thousands of applications across the country, and nothing was happening. Throughout this whole job-hunting process, I got to the point where I decided I didn’t want to become a social media marketer anymore. My passion for social media was waning and I got to the point where I was desperate to work almost anywhere I could see myself growing. And it has led to a lot of random career paths which unfortunately led to nowhere. 

Shortly after I graduated, the COVID pandemic hit and it was virtually impossible to find a marketing job, at least one close to where I live. Fortunately, my parents have been gracious enough for me to stay with them as I seek employment. I have pursued a plethora of different career paths. I tried to pursue a career as a military chaplain, but that required more schooling for an insignificant pay raise which I wasn’t down with. I tried that opportunity and was accepted into a religious institute in San Francisco, but shortly after my first semester quickly realized that I wasn’t interested nor agreed with the material that was being taught at the religious institution. So, I tried to become a Hospice Chaplain but after several months of doing that, it required me to spend more money than I had to get more schooling. At this point, I was in my early thirties and was tired of getting more education and wanted to get working in the professional world instead of just doing free labor.

I had a young woman help me to try to find a career path as a medical technician, but at the time I was feeling overwhelmed with my final semester of college and she ended up moving out of state so that opportunity fizzled out. And, more recently, I went into the military to serve in the US Navy as an Aviation Maintenance Administrationman, but that opportunity didn’t pan out and I was medically discharged from service while I was in Navy basic training. I will write a separate blog about that in the future. I have tried several other opportunities, which obviously didn’t work out but these are the ones most fresh in my memory. Needless to say, I have grown weary of seeking employment and not finding a career to get into. 

It has been embarrassing, humiliating even, being a man in my mid-thirties, still struggling to find a viable career. I have, and still do at times, struggle with comparing myself with other people. And it has been a personal crutch of mine for most of my adult life. I have never played the victim and asked “Why me?” But I did ask my parents after they picked me up from the airport upon returning from boot camp, “Why is it so hard for me to find a decent career? That is all I want, is the ability to work a job that I can see myself doing, that I am at least decent at that will make me enough money for myself and hopefully a future family. Why does it seem especially hard for me to find a job?” These are genuine questions I have with no intention of playing the victim. And I feel that potentially one of the biggest reasons is because I am autistic.

Autism tends to have this stigma in society. At least that’s just my observation. And, to be completely honest, Autism isn’t my area of expertise or interest, but I believe that society tends to look down on people who live on the Spectrum. I can’t wrap my head around it as to why that is. Is it because we may at times have a hard time expressing ourselves? Do we come off as a little bit too forward? I am not entirely sure. I do know that most people don’t believe that I have the “tism” as I’ve heard the term called unless I tell them. 

I wish people would give autistic people, including myself, a chance. A lot of us are fairly normal people who want to be successful in our own way. But society tends to overlook us, especially in the corporate world, and perceive us to be liabilities instead of assets. I can recall when I was in the separations unit in boot camp. There was a fairly young man who was going to have a job working on nuclear submarines, with a $50,000 sign-on bonus, but immediately lost both his job and bonus because he was autistic. Separations, or SEPS as those in the unit called it, is a legal process where you are separated from the military for whatever reason, usually due to medical or psychological reasons. And the sad thing was that it didn’t really hit this young man as to how much he lost because of it. He just thought “Oh well.” To be honest, I was really disgusted when I heard about that. To lose all of that, and for what? Because he was just slightly more autistic than I am? And pardon my French, it’s complete bullshit. It’s ridiculous because it’s not just the military that treats people on the spectrum like this, it's almost everywhere. 

If only they knew some of the creative and ingenious ideas that autistic people can bring to the table. We can be unapologetically honest and may tell you the truth in a harsh and forward way, but it’s not to be rude or inconsiderate, it’s just that we have a hard time lying. If anything, in a society where integrity is almost nonexistent, I would think that honesty would be a great trait to have for a business. Just some food for thought.

I don’t have any particular theme for this particular post. This one is just me putting my thoughts into words. I hope people don’t think that I am some bum who doesn’t have much going on with his life and doesn’t have much to show for it. I have been busting my ass seeking my niche, my calling if you will. I’ve looked into so many opportunities, but nothing concrete has come up yet. But I keep pushing myself because I don’t quit easily. Sure, I have some rough days from time to time, but I keep pressing forward in the hopes that one day I will find something that excites and pushes me to become my best self. And I am hoping that it happens sooner rather than later. That is all I have for today. Take care!

My Adult Life with Autism Series - Part 1

Alright, this post is going to be different than my previous ones. Now that you have an idea about who I am and some of my interests/hobbies, it is time to get to the core content of why I created this blogging website in the first place. It is to give you a glimpse into my world of living with high-functioning autism. I don’t really want to focus on my childhood or youth, at least not in this post. I want to talk about what my life is like as an adult living on the spectrum. 

In the coming blog posts, I am going to share my adult life experiences. The good, the bad and the ugly. My life experiences over the course of my adult life have shaped me into who I am today and who I desire to become. I may swear on occasion, but I want to share some of my raw feelings as to how I feel. I will try to keep it minimal for those of you who don’t like it. 

One of the biggest hurdles in my life is the feeling of never amounting to anything. Throughout my life, I have had several people tell me that I will never amount to anything. I would never graduate high school, I would never complete a full-time mission for my church, I would never graduate college, I will get sent home from the Navy because I suck and can’t follow simple, basic instructions, and never find a woman that I could one day fall in love with and marry.

It is one thing to fight with my inner demons, and it is another thing for people to ridicule you and say those things to your face. Hearing this rejection and ridicule for 36 years of my life has definitely taken its toll on me. I have often thought to myself, “Why do you suck so much at so many things? Why even try something new when you know damn well you’re going to fail at it? What’s the point of living? You have nothing to offer to society. Or you should just give up and quit while you’re ahead.” I struggle with serious depression which has had a crippling effect on me, especially as an adult. If it wasn’t for my faith in God that I had to seriously work for, and the unconditional love and support of my family, I would have seriously considered committing suicide a long time ago.

Depression sucks. It literally damns you. You feel highly unmotivated, you feel like giving up and you get too deep into your head and fester feelings of self-loathing and self-sabotage. At least that's how I felt. For a long time, I lived in denial that I even had autism. I thought that since I wasn’t officially diagnosed, I didn’t have it.  It wasn’t until I got into the medical bay at the Navy’s basic training where they told me I had to get separated from the military due to having autism and sleep apnea that I finally came to terms with my condition. My depression kind of comes and goes, but I realize that the more I eat more healthy and work out that I have more control over my mental health. 

I want to share an experience going to college. For those of you who don’t know me, I am LDS or Mormon. I am not planning on going deep into my life as a member of the church unless I feel compelled to later down the road. Anyway, after I served a mission for my church, I went to school at BYU Idaho. During my time on campus, I had a mixed experience. I met some of my closest friends whom I still talk to regularly and I took some great classes. My issue was that I was highly unorganized and sucked at test-taking which really tanked my overall GPA. At the time, I was struggling with a career path that I wanted to pursue. I took a career exploration class, but didn’t really resonate with any of the careers that matched my personality. I always loved wildlife biology so I decided at the time to major in it and specialize in marine biology. I took an Intro to Biology course which was there to help people find viable careers in biology and other sciences. During that particular semester, my professor was away for most of it and unbeknownst to me, the classroom changed to a different time and room. I didn’t know what was going on. When the professor returned back a week before finals, he had me come to his room. He basically told me that based on my performance in the class a career path in biology was out of the question for me. He asked me what I thought a Biologist did and he told me that the things I wanted to do were basically minimum-wage work as a technician. So needless to say, I left that meeting feeling like a complete piece of trash. I had no ambition and I hated myself for not taking the initiative to find out when the class switched rooms and times. So this is what spiraled my life downward and ultimately got academically dismissed from the university.

My life was utter hell. I loathed myself. I lost all ambition for life. And I felt like I hit my personal “rock bottom”. I felt embarrassed that I got kicked out of school too. It was embarrassing to tell people that I wasn’t going to college for a while. I had so many people try to pry out of me why I wasn’t returning to school. Plus, my inner demons started to fester and poison my mind telling me how worthless I was. 

I lived with so much regret. I regretted that I didn’t do better in school and take my education more seriously. I regretted that I didn’t take advantage of the university’s accommodations because I thought I could handle school on my own and didn’t need help. It wasn’t an arrogance issue that you might assume. It was that I didn’t want to have special treatment or handouts. I didn’t want to be viewed as special needs by my peers. At that time, I was extremely self-conscious and really cared about what other people thought about me.

After coming to terms with that I wasn’t able to return to college, at least for a little while, I decided to move to Utah. I was working for In-N-Out Burger at the time and felt like I needed a change of scenery. After living in Utah for a little over a year, I realized that I didn’t want to work in fast food for the rest of my life. So, I decided that I wanted to continue my education and attended what was then called the LDS Business College in Salt Lake City. During this time, I grew a fairly decent-sized social media following for my video game photography and found a career path that was relevant to what I was already doing. I decided to pursue the college’s social media marketing degree. 

My experience there was nothing short of amazing. I had learned so much and flourished in my life by going to school part-time and working part-time. I on numerous occasions had my professors praise me for growing my personal brand on social media and I often shared what I was doing with my classmates. It was a great experience to learn everything there was to know about how to be successful in utilizing social media in business. 

Then the most amazing thing happened. After being diligent in school and learning from my past mistakes, I was able to boost my overall GPA and decided to shoot my shot in reapplying to BYU Idaho. After the course of nearly a year, they accepted my appeal and I was able to be readmitted to the university. It just so happened that I was taking classes from both BYU Idaho and the Business College at the same time, resulting in graduating from both institutions in the same semester in July 2019. I can’t adequately express in words how amazing this was for me. After all of the rejection, all of the ridicule, and years of self-inflicting hatred, I was able to hold my head high and be proud of myself for once in my life. All of the years of dwelling in the past and living with regret literally washed away the moment I received my Bachelor of Science and Associate of Applied Science degrees on the same day. I was on cloud nine and felt like I could conquer anything.

I share this with you today because all of us are capable of much greatness in their lives. No matter how bad life beats you into submission and yells at you telling you how worthless you are, you have one thing you have complete control of and that one thing is yourself. You have the capability and capacity to accomplish anything you set your mind and heart to do. Don’t get me wrong, life is not a cakewalk. Life isn’t handed to you on a silver platter. It takes hard work. It takes grit and courage to embark into the unknown and follow your own path. When you are bleeding on the floor and don’t feel like you have the strength to get up, get up anyway. That is the test of life, to get up no matter how many times you fall. If I can do it, then so can you.

Just because I was able to graduate from college, it doesn’t mean that my depression and fight against my inner demons magically went away. In fact, they are hard at work every single day. I  have gone through so many different career paths that didn’t work out that I want to talk about. But for the sake of the length of this particular post, I will save that for a future one. Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read this rather lengthy post and I hope what I have shared today will be of some benefit to those that read it.

He’s a Music Man

Music has been a major part of my life. It has brought me so much joy. One of the great things about having ADHD on top of high-functioning autism is that I have a wide variety of music tastes. It ranges from classical, folk, and jazz to hardcore punk and metal. It’s great because I rarely run out of music to listen to and don’t get bored. And if I do, then I look for something else to listen to to mix things up. 

As I mentioned, music is a major part of my life. I played piano off-and-on for nearly a decade and learned basic music theory. I played and listened to a lot of baroque, classical, and romantic music growing up. I remember spending countless hours playing piano scales and learning to memorize music for tests and recitals which took up a lot of my time growing up. Although I don’t play anymore by choice, I have grown to appreciate music, especially music that is musically complex and technical. 

Ever since I was in my youth, I loved heavy music. My older brother introduced me to a lot of punk rock bands that he listened to in high school. I had coworkers and other friends that introduced me to heavy metal and I instantly got hooked. I was introduced to bands like Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, and Iron Maiden. To name a few, I love death metal, doom metal, and even Viking/folk metal! I was, and still am, mind-blown by this genre of music. I mostly listen to metal bands in Europe from every era since the 70s to now!

There are quite literally dozens upon dozens of subgenres within the metal genre and I listen to most of them. There is something beautiful, even soothing for me. Metal in general since is viewed by the mainstream as controversial. It is the most misunderstood form of music. There definitely are songs about Satan, blood/gore, and other intense stuff, but that is few and far between and also depends on what and who you are listening to. I throw down to these more intense forms, but there are tons of bands and genres that dive deep into the human condition and even have positive messages. It is a type of music that resonates with a lot of people, especially the ones deemed as social outcasts. Not saying that I am a social outcast or anything haha. 

I love the technicality, complexity, and brutality of this form of music. A lot of these musicians come from classical, blues, and jazz backgrounds where they study music theory. Since I have a classical piano background, I appreciate musically stimulating music like metal. It is modern-day classical music, with heavy guitars, drums, and vocals. For me, it’s very therapeutic. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea so I usually only listen to it when I’m alone or with people that enjoy it like me.

I also love folk music, especially traditional folk. Celtic, Scandinavian, Spanish Flamenco, Japanese, Chinese Zen, you name it. I love all sorts of traditional music. These are just a few to not bore you to death. Gregorian monk chants are amazing too. I love these types of music and they teleport me into another plane of existence. A realm where I can escape from the stresses of reality and just relax.

Scandinavian music resonates with my soul. There is a surge of amazing musicians from this area of Europe that create soul-stirring, goosebump-inducing music. Since I have an obsessive love for this culture and its history, I feel a close kinship to this type of music. I don’t understand a single word, but I like it that way since it comes off as more authentic to me. I love listening to this type of folk, especially to get me hyped for larping/reenacting. Celtic and Scandinavian folk music is close to me and I think the reason why it evokes such an emotional response to me is because most of my ancestry comes from these areas of the world. It feels like I teleport back in time to when they were alive. I understand that may sound odd, but that is how I feel. I’ve heard people with various forms of autism that music can have that kind of effect on them.

Don’t go away just yet. I hope I haven’t scared you off yet. Don’t get me wrong, I am a normal guy, well sort of. I like a lot of popular music too. Just not country or modern pop. These aren’t my jam. I feel the same way about some hip-hop too. I grew up in a family that didn’t listen to it and that may be a reason as to why I don’t care for it. Or maybe it’s because of how popular it is. I was raised mostly on rock music so listening to bands mostly from the 60s to the early 2000s is what I listen to.

I also love listening to jazz and I still listen to classical too. These forms of music I listen to when I’m studying or feeling a bit melancholy, especially when I listen to jazz. It’s the perfect type of music for driving around on a rainy day or a late night. It soothes the soul it’s a great way for me to chill. I highly recommend listening to it if you are looking for something calm that’s different from what you are currently listening to.

Folk, bluegrass, and blues are great as well. Songwriting is a newfound love that I have. Greats like Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, Simon and Garfunkel, Gordon Lightfoot, and Cat Stevens are gods when it comes to songwriting. It is an art to create a beautiful poem or message and be able to add it into music form. And these music genres do just that. These forms of music heavily influenced rock and metal believe it or not. 

So yeah, music is a big part of who I am. I absolutely love it. And if there are types of music that I don’t like, I still have an appreciation for the talent that is used to create it. There is a reason why certain music is popular. I don’t have to like it in order to appreciate it. So thank you for taking the time to learn more about me and what I love. You can learn much about a person based on their music tastes. Me, I’m a bit of a wildcard in that regard haha. Anyway, thanks again for reading and I hope it helps you understand the appeal of certain types of music and more about what makes me who I am.

My Beloved Family

Words cannot adequately express how much my family means to me. Their unconditional love and support throughout my life, have helped shape me into who I am today. I have gone through many highs and lows throughout my life. If it weren’t for my loving parents and close-knit family, I don’t know where I’d be in my life. We have been through thick and thin together and I am eternally grateful to each and every one of them.

I am the second oldest of 6. I have an older brother and 3 younger brothers and sisters. My brothers are big into surfing. My older brother Greg and middle brother Colby are healthcare administrators working in Northern California. My youngest brother Brady started an event vendor business earlier this year and is an incredible graphic designer. My sister works as a marketing director for a natural hygiene company and has a 3-year-old daughter named Charlotte. She is also an insane ballerina! My youngest sister Evie recently graduated from esthetician school. She and her husband Chad recently moved up to Northern California. Chad got a job working with Greg and is an assistant director in training. 

My sisters and brother-in-laws Athena, Taylor, and Chad are simply amazing! I love how they treat my siblings. I see the way they treat their spouses and others which inspires me to treat others the way I want to be treated. I am beyond stoked to welcome them into my family and I look forward to having many more amazing experiences with them.

My parents are my rock. Throughout my life, they’ve been right there, loving and supporting me through the process. My dad, Collin, was born and raised in Dallas, Texas but has lived in California for most of his life. He recently got a job back at an old company where he worked for a long time and My mom, Karen, was born and raised in Los Angeles, in the San Fernando Valley. They’ve been married for over 40 years.

I am so grateful and blessed to have loving grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I have had so many wonderful memories with them as well over the years. From beach days to long hikes in the mountains and even swimming at my grandparents' pool, my childhood was everything a kid and even an adult to ask for. I love my extended family so much!

In closing, you can probably tell that I love my family, maybe a little bit too much haha. In a world where there are countless families are broken or dysfunctional, I count my blessings that even though we don’t see eye-to-eye on everything, at least we love and respect each other and we don’t hold grudges. Each and every one of them has helped shape and mold me into who I am today and I am forever grateful for them being a major part of my life.

Do You Even Larp, Bro?

Me at the Provo Canyon in Utah.

Ever since I can remember, I have been obsessed with History. I mainly enjoy ancient and medieval European history. But, as I have gotten older, I have started to branch off a bit more and appreciate US and world history. I loved researching about warriors such as knights, Vikings, Spartans, and Samurai. I imagined to myself how awesome it would be to save up my money and one day buy historically accurate armor and weapons from around the world to reenact. Thus, it became a newfound hobby of mine called Live-Action-Role-Play, more commonly known as Larping.

What started as a joke with a few of my closest college friends became a passion that I didn’t know I wanted. I have had so many memorable experiences larping by myself, family, and friends. I definitely have made a fool out of myself from time to time. And I didn’t care because I had so much fun. So, I saved some money and started buying a Viking armor set. During this time, I immersed myself in Old Norse (Viking) culture. I researched armor and weapons that were historically accurate and purchased items online that fit my small budget. I don’t have all of the pieces I need for my Viking set, but it started to come alive when I donned my helmet, leather armor, Ulfberht sword, and massive round shield.

Lone Warrior

I had some rad experiences wearing my nearly full Viking armor. I had the cops up in Utah come up to me to see what I was doing. I went to Yellowstone National Park chasing a herd of deer and sparred with my friends at Lake Mead in Nevada to name a few. My family and friends thought it was so awesome seeing me walking around in my armor. Unfortunately, I ran out of money to buy random miscellaneous parts to my armor and was crazy busy looking for a higher-paying job after I graduated college, so I had to put Larping on hold. After a several-year hiatus, I am ready to get back into it!

Larping tends to bring a nerdy vibe to it. Most people think of larp as a bunch of nerds in a field who hit each other with foam sticks and start shouting phrases from a fantasy game. I don’t associate with that. I’m more into reenactment. What would be a dream come true for me is to join some kind of history reenactment club either here in the US or somewhere in Europe. Ideally, it would be epic to bring my armor and travel somewhere in Denmark, Norway, Iceland, or Sweden and join like-minded individuals who share the same passion and interests in the hobby that I have.

Larp in Temecula

I look back at those times, and I had an absolute blast. As cheesy or cringey as you may think it is, I really could care less. It is something that I am passionate about. It is something that brings genuine joy and adventure into my life. My plan is to in the near future get back into larping and even buy armor and weapons from other warriors I love such as Templar Knights, Samurai, Spartans, Gladiators, Roman Legionnaires, etc. My next major purchase will be a two-handed Dane axe and maybe even another sword since my old one rusted and had to be thrown away.

Even as I look at some of the photos I am going to add to this blog post, I feel a sense of nostalgia and longing to get back into the hobby. I have had so much fun doing this. Sure, it is random and may seem like a bizarre hobby to get into, but like I said before, I don’t care. If it is something that I genuinely enjoy, then I am going to devote more resources to it. I am so excited to get back into it and I can’t wait to get more pictures and make more memories embracing something that I love.

P.S. I have so many pictures from my adventures, here are just a few. I will add more to a photo gallery section soon. Enjoy!

“So, you want to get to know me, eh?”

You want to spend a little “quality time” with Calvino? I guess I could use some social interaction.

Don’t we all need some sort of social interaction? Throughout my entire life, I have considered myself to be fairly introverted. I felt (and still do) comfortable doing things by myself. Having some alone time is a way for me to decompress from the stress of the day and to recharge my emotional batteries. But fortunately, that doesn’t last very long. I am totally fine being able to spend an hour or two on my own and then spend the rest of the day with others. A little bit of personal space for me goes a long way.

Consider the Lichen - Inside Joke between my friends Cory Fung, Walter Juarez and I

As I have gotten older, I have developed more of an ambiverted personality. I have learned to find a healthy balance between alone time and people time. I crave physical human interaction and desire to develop quality relationships with others. I have gotten to the point where I get a bit stir-crazy if I don’t have some sort of face-to-face conversation with someone. I wouldn’t say that I am extroverted though. Depending on the crowd, I can get emotionally drained being around certain extroverted personality types, usually around people who are very high-energy. Then, for my own sanity, I withdraw and need some alone time to myself.

Santa Catalina with Walter Juarez

I am very blessed to have a very tight-knit family and very close friends. I find deep conversations very stimulating and enlightening. I have had a hard time while growing up relating with many extroverts due to my perception that they are shallow because they don’t enjoy long, deep conversations. I realize now that people are crazy busy and don’t have the time to have a full-blown conversation that lasts for hours. So, I have learned to adapt and do better by engaging in “small talk.” I never was a big fan of small talk, but sometimes it is nice to not have to go in-depth with someone who just wants to know how I am doing and not have me tell them my sob stories. Especially with people that I am not very close with.

Me with the Boys - Walter Juarez, Michael Brockbank and Will Montesdeoca

So yeah, that’s a bit more about me. I hate talking about myself haha. I’m going to have to dig deep into more about my life. I will add more about me in due time. But this is good for now.

Christmas Manger Reenactment with Siblings - Greg and his wife Athena, Paige, Colby, Brady and Evie

Becky & I

Becky and I at the Sundial Bridge in Redding, California.

Over five years ago, one of my best friends came into my life. She has brought me so much joy. She is my spirit animal and I am her emotional support human. Her name is Becky, my toasted marshmallow French bulldog. We share matching personalities. She is as stubborn as I am, has short bursts of physical energy, and then wants to chill, and is a clown, like me.

It all started a little over five years ago. I first met Becky in Oahu, Hawaii to celebrate my brother Colby’s college graduation. He had a French bulldog named Willow who gave birth to 9 puppies a couple of weeks before we arrived in Hawaii. I can’t even fathom having to take care of a litter of 9 French bulldogs, especially during finals week. Shortly after my brother’s graduation, he moved back to California, he surprised me with one of his puppies, Becky. I decided to keep her name because I loved it so much. The rest is history.

Becky, like most dogs of her breed, is a little menace but only in short bursts. She is the class clown and the life of the party. There is never a dull moment with her. She loves people but is a bit standoffish towards other dogs. What’s great is that she matches my energy. I take her on a 2-mile walk every day, play fetch with her, and then she is passed out for most of the day. She is a bit of a crackhead when she doesn’t get a walk, so when it isn’t too hot, I get her out of the house so she can walk and sniff every bush along the way. 

She is the ultimate cuddle bug. Whether you are reading a book, lying in bed, or watching a movie, she is right by your side snuggling up right next to you. She loves to attack the vacuum, the broom, or the hose when I water the plants. She loves to look over the balcony or out my room window to see what’s going on and to overlook her kingdom. One of her favorite activities aside from going on a walk or going to the park is to visit my grandparents' house. She loves going to the pool. Frenchies are not able to swim on their own, but that doesn’t stop Becky. She thinks that she will save you when you jump off of the diving board and literally starts losing it. Usually after a fun day at the pool, she is dead and can’t move the next day.

Right now, we bred Becky and have had her puppies for about 9 weeks. They are such a joy, but as an animal empath, I can’t bear the thought of having to sell her precious puppies. She has been a sweet momma and her relationship with her puppies is adorable. She has 4 puppies, 2 boys and 2 girls. Their names are Frankie, Snoop, Daisy, and Barbie and they are all adorable.

I love Becky so much. She came into my life at the perfect time. I have struggled with mental health issues which I will talk about in a future blog post, so when Becky came into my life, she was literally a Godsend. Her quirky antics and her unamused face kills me every time I am with her. She is so cute and her hilarious personality cures me of my depression. Whenever I am having a rough day, I can lean on Becky to help lighten my day. I love her so much and am so blessed to have her sweet spirit in my life. I cherish every moment that I have with her.

Halloween in Old Town Temecula

My Love for the Halo Universe

Sharing my deep passion for this video game franchise shaped my life.

Nearly a decade ago, I created an Instagram account. I share screenshots (in-game photography screenshots) from the Halo video game franchise. I created the account because of my deep love for the franchise. Over time, I grew a social media following that grew up to 24,000 followers on Instagram and over 10,000 followers combined on a few other apps. It has been so much fun growing this following. It has also played a key part in my pursuit of a degree in social media marketing.

Halo has been a major part of my life. Ever since I was 14 years old, I became enthralled with the franchise, especially the games that were created by the franchise’s original developers, Bungie. The loveable characters, the deep lore, and the high stakes of saving humanity against a bunch of zealous genocidal aliens have captivated me since the game came out.

The Halo screenshot community is a very small niche within the overall franchise community. Starting with Halo 3, Bungie created a content creation feature called forge and theater modes where you can create gaming clips, machinima (video game movies), your own maps, and screenshots to share with other fans of the game. This community had its heyday back in the late 2000s and early 2010s when people would create mindblowing content and share it with other people.

So, nearly a decade ago, I decided to create an Instagram account. I created nearly 15,000 screenshots from every game. Creating screenshots was a great way for me to decompress after a busy day or work or school. All of my screenshots are unedited. In the Halo screenshot community, it is considered taboo to edit screenshots. All of the “special effects” are in the games, using different assets. There is a lot of curiosity, experimentation, as well as trial-and-error. It can be irritating at times, but words can’t adequately express that rare moment when I take a shot that leaves both myself and my followers in awe. Throughout my time doing this, I have been featured by the franchise’s social media apps on multiple occasions.

In recent years, my following has dwindled significantly. Instagram algorithms constantly change which has led to the decline. I have struggled to keep myself motivated to continue sharing my screenshots since I thought maybe my content wasn’t interesting or engaging. I have taken long breaks recently due to burnout and the lack of engagement. Then I had an epiphany. I realized that I didn’t care anymore if I didn’t get enough “likes” or “comments” or followers. I went back to my roots, which was to share screenshots for the love of the game. Whether I had 20 followers or over a million, I didn’t care. I didn’t create this type of content to be validated by other people. I created it because it was therapeutic for me and it was a lot of fun. I still create screenshots, just not as often since I have more important things to do with my life. But I will say, thanks to this experience, this passion project of mine helped me to find a career path in social media marketing, where I now create written blog content for a few nonprofit organizations.

Pull up a Chair

For those who haven’t read my About Page, my name is Calvin Hollingsworth. I was born and raised in Southern California and the town called Temecula is where I call home. I come from a family of 8 including my parents. I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters. I am 36 years old and I have high-functioning autism.

I have a wide variety of interests and hobbies that I enjoy. I consider myself to be a well of useless knowledge and random facts. A jack of all trades, master of none if you will. To name a few, I love listening to a wide variety of music, I love snorkeling at the beach, and going on road trips. I am a passional video gamer. I enjoy learning about science and history, especially ancient and medieval history. These are some of the many things that I enjoy doing on my spare time.

As of a few years ago, I have been on a life-changing health journey. Through consistency and self-discipline, I’ve been able to lose nearly 60 pounds. I have aspirations to get into personal training and help people understand the many benefits that are associated with healthy eating and staying active. I still have a long ways to go, but I am so happy how far I have come which motivates me to continue improving my overall wellbeing.

This is a personal blog site where I will be adding more hobbies and interests in time, but for now, this is a good starting point for sharing a glimpse of what makes me me. I am going to tell you upfront that this website will be a bit all over the place, but I will try my best to keep things organized so you can pick and choose what type of content you want to check out. Some content you will resonate with. Some you will not and that’s ok. I hope that what I share will be of value to you. I am excited to be here and start this journey.